Alright, let's be honest here. One of the latest social media crazes is the Tinder app. Tinder is basically the smartphone version of "hot or not" - swipe right for hot and left for not. It connects to your Facebook, providing the app with some photos of you, letting people know what common interests and friends you share, as well as how far away you currently are from each other. If you both swipe right, you are "matched", allowing you to start a conversation with that person. I have the app. You have the app. And, now that Androids can enjoy Tinder, we all have the app. It's creepy, stalker-ish, a wee bit juvenile, and terribly addicting.
But, let me clarify. I only use the app when I'm back in Notre Dame. I made the mistake of not turning off my Tinder once, only to come back to school after a break to find myself matched with several people I went to high school with. High school. I am not the person I was back then, and I certainly do not want to be "matched" with anyone who knew me from before. So, suffice it to say, I completely deleted my profile and the app after I graduated in May. I was moving home, and therefore done with it.
Old habits die hard, though. This week I've been back in Notre Dame to teach at a summer camp. The first night, a few of us adults found ourselves downloading Tinder. In my opinion, there's really no harm in the app, and it's pretty much safe if you keep it to just talking via the conversation tab. Plus, as most girls do, we talk about boys. A lot. It's fun to compare our matches and laugh at some of the ridiculous-looking photos that crop up. "Oooh, he's an ND football player - right swipe!" "Look at that adorable dog in his picture - right swipe!" "Is that his nephew, or his kid?! - left swipe for safety..." These are generally how our Tinder circles go.
I know what you're all thinking - "So, do you ever meet anyone from this app?" The answer varies. Yes, I've met people from it. Nothing serious, of course. Maybe we happened to have some mutual friends, or realized we passed each other regularly all along but weren't Facebook friends. Or, more commonly, I recognize them out on the town as "that guy I saw on Tinder!". But, until this week, I had never deliberately set up a date with anyone.
Yes, you heard right. I set up a date via Tinder. His name is Luke, (name changed to protect the innocent,) and we were both in South Bend this week; me for camp, him for Army training. First and foremost, he was gorgeous. (Why do you think I right-swiped to begin with?) Second, he didn't start our Tinder conversation with the typical "hey, baby" that you get from others. Plus, since it's connected to Facebook, these are real people we're dealing with here. We chatted about this, that, and the other, and we found out we had a lot of random things in common. For instance, our mutual passion for wanting to teach under-privileged children. Since we were both in town, we decided to exchange real phone numbers and meet up. He asked me to come to one of the local dive bars where him and his buddies were hanging out, but I refused to step foot in there - I told him I'd pick him up and we'd go to a different bar instead. Luke agreed, and I was already halfway out the door.
(Fun side note - the three songs that came up on my shuffled "Guilty Pleasures" playlist during the car ride to pick him up were the following - Taylor Swift's "22", Robyn's "Call Your Girlfriend", and The Wanted's "Glad You Came". With every song I kept going, "Oh my God, this is perfect!" The lyrics were literally speaking my thoughts, and I couldn't have been more pumped for the evening ahead of me.)
After picking Luke up - which, before he got into the car, he shook my hand and introduced himself like a proper gentlemen - we headed towards a downtown bar where I knew the atmosphere was chill and where my friends could easily meet up with me worst case scenario. Actually, we both commented to one another how overprotective our friends were being of us. I had to give play-by-play details to my group, while his was very worried that I was going to murder him and dump the body somewhere. We laughed at the mutual situation and continued to get to know each other. I told him about Ireland, which he was incredibly supportive of. It made me feel better knowing we were both going into this with the understanding that we just happened to be passing through South Bend at the same time. No strings attached.
Before we even got to the bar, though, Luke's sergeant was calling to look for him. Apparently he didn't get permission from the correct person to leave, and, even though he was on civilian time, he still had to follow some rules. Incredibly embarrassed, he warned me that he might have to leave, and wondered if I could drive him back, if necessary. Normally I'm the one making a fool of myself in these types of situations, so I told him it was perfectly fine.
A weird run-in with theatre friends, a dead phone, and a horde of Army men later, Luke had to cut our date incredibly short. He didn't say much other than goodbye because he had to rush right off. We had lots of time to talk in-between all of the antics, and I felt like we did get to know each other much better. Out of the conversation, I found out that he was Catholic, too. That made him instantly more attractive to me, and I found out it helped make sense why we had so much in common. (Joy's two major rules for any datable guy - he must be taller than she is, and he must be Catholic. Check and check.)
I spilled the details to one of my best friends after he left. Even via text message, she could see how incredibly giddy I was over the whole evening. Despite him being so embarrassed by the entire situation, I tried to lighten the mood by expressing my own nerdy side to him. (Harry Potter, class valedictorian, etc. - the whole nine yards.) He texted me later to apologize again, and explained how he felt even more inadequate because he had never read Harry Potter himself. I could only laugh. Unfortunately, much to my own guilt, he did tell me he got put on lockdown as a result of leaving the first bar to go with me. He insisted it wasn't my fault, but I still felt terrible nonetheless.
The next day, I waited for a text that never came. I can't say I wasn't a bit stung by that - I thought the date overall went really well, and, despite everything, I thought he'd still follow-up. I broke the ice by texting him something cheesy about hoping his lockdown went okay. He didn't respond. I realized that, even though this clearly wasn't going anywhere, I was still considering myself extremely lucky that I got to meet him. I hadn't been asked out on a date since I was 17, and it was such a nice change of pace to be with someone who I was able to be so open and honest with. Call it my "finishing school" training, but after living and learning with all girls for the last four years, I think I've discovered that I need to just be myself in order to be truly happy. The idea to blog about it was born out of this realization. I knew writing my feelings out would make it all better.
I sat down and began to write this when the text back finally came. He flew out of South Bend this morning and is now en route back to the Army base in Georgia. Will this ever go anywhere? Who knows. Do I want to be friends with him? Certainly. At the end of the day, while we were both mutually attracted to one another, we also had a lot in common as friends. Having positive, forward-thinking people in my life is a top priority. He seems to be one of those people. Will we ever talk again? I hope so. Whether or not it goes any further than this? Only time will tell. I have two years in Ireland and he has at least another year-and-a-half in the Army. Maybe our paths will cross again when the timing is right, and maybe they won't. Much to my own surprise, I'm okay with whatever happens.
For now, my hope has been renewed that God will bring me to the right person at the right time. I no longer feel like I will be alone forever, or be forced to join the convent. There are guys out there who find me at least somewhat attractive. (Let's ask my 100+ Tinder matches this week!) But, more than that, there are guys out there who are genuinely honest and caring human beings. If there's one, there must be more, right? The task at hand is my dedicated service to the Catholic Church in Ireland. But, when the time comes, I will go on more dates and meet more of these men. Someday, I might even find "the one" to share my life with. There have been so many weddings and engagements lately that it feels like my time will never come. All I can do is privately whine to my friends who are in the same boat and forge ahead. I just have to keep reminding myself that the time will come. If only I had ever learned the art of patience...
Oh! There goes my phone! Another text... :)
--Joy.
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